|
htina
|
read my profile
sign my guestbook
Country: United States
State: California
Birthday: 11/19/1986
Gender: Female
Interests: haVinG fuN, hanGinG wiTh my friEndS, taLkinG, LiSteninG tO muSiC, danCinG, enjOyinG LifE
Expertise: bEinG LouD, LauGhinG, pArtyinG, haVinG a GreaT timE, pSychO-aNaLyzinG!
Industry: Other
Message: message meEmail: email me
Member Since:
8/7/2003
|
|
| 05.25.05 for some reason, i cant get you out of my head...i need to write it down, put something down, either my anger, my sadness, my sympthy, my sense of vulnerability...something. i dont know if i can put it down with words, but if i dont try, i feel like i'm going to burst. i visited the irvine site today...i left you flowers. i dont know why, some people think i'm crazy since i didnt really know you. but i need anyways. i drove up and the security guard thought i was a friend of yours coming to pay my respects and all i could say was that you went to my high school...as i held tightly onto the flowers i had just bought for you, i felt unhinged, uncomfortable. i felt so nervous. i didn't know why i was here, out of my way, surely to be late for my volunteer work but i just kept walking, not knowing what to expect, whether i'd stay long or what i would do once i got to the destination. as i reached the memorial, full of flowers, candles, pictures, and letters...i couldn't do anything. i just stood there and stared at the pictures full of life, full of you with your beautiful face and amazing smile. i awkwardly set down the flowers, feeling awkward since i didnt know you and not really knowing what i should do next...and then, as i stared at your pictures, thinking of the times i used to see you walking through troy high's parking lot early in the morning, since we were both there early, and the time at a party or two...all i could do was say that i was sorry....i'm sorry that your mother was left to suffer from the actions of two men, left to die next to her burning home, and now battling for her life...i'm sorry that your father was suspected of the crime that took both of your lives when i'm sure all he was doing was protecting you...i'm sorry that your sister has lost her best friend/sister, her father, and is holding on to hope that she wont lose her mother...i'm sorry that you had to leave the world like this: the physical and emotional pain that you must've felt with whatever you must've experienced; that you had to leave to unexpectingly, to leave a life, full of promise, unfinished. i'm just so sorry.
as i kept muttering those words, transfixed on your face in the frame, my gaze slowly went to the biking/hiking trial in which you probably entered and later exited the park...as the cement curved, i imagined you with your father...walking towards and around the bend and then...my mind went blank...what had happened that night? was there a struggle? was there other people with you? were you lead there by force or by your own naviety? i can't help but wonder what happened to you and your father...was it planned? what could've been the motive? why? i just wish there were answers, that we could know what happened and have the people responsible caught.
as i kept thinking, i did something i hadn't done in a long time....i prayed. i prayed as hard as i could: prayed that whatever happened to you and your father, i hoped you both didn't feel the flames and that the end was swift and painless....i prayed that your mom would recover and not leave your sister to face the world alone...i prayed that your sister would come out, not on top (i believe that can't happen with all that she has lost) but that it wont scar her as much as i think it will...i prayed for your family and friends who knew your family, that they can come together and just be there for one another... i prayed that even though the higher beings are supposed to be merciful, that they strike down heavily upon those who did this to you and your family. and so, i just stood there. i couldn't move...i knew i would be late but i just couldn't move...as cliche as it sounds, you've made me realize how short and valuable life really is. you've made me want to smile more at anyone and everyone because you never know what might happen. you've made me want to just live life to the fullest because you never know when it's going to stop.
the thing is, i can't believe that this not only happened to someone i knew of, but that it happened at all. i never wanted to believe that cruelty could rear its ugly head with such an example as what has happened to you. it gives me the chills just thinking of it and yet, i can't seem to stop. as i drive down the freeway, heading towards home: knowing that my family will all be there, i can't help but think of you. as i have free time during work, i think of what you might've been doing at the same time had this awful incidence hadnt occured. as i surf the internet, i look for signs for updates on the case surrounding anaheim hills/irvine. as i wait in line for a movie, i can't help but think that if you were alive, you'd be doing the same somewhere else. as i walk onto campus and head to class, i think that you'd be doing the same and that now your classes have an empty seat. as i talk and laugh with my sisters, i think that you were just as close to your sister as i am to mine and that i can't imagine what yours must be going through. as i drive around irvine, i feel a tug towards the park and that even if i didnt know you, i should go there. you're everywhere. though we've talked like once, and i never knew you...i feel this pull towards you. its creeping me out but i cant help it. i dont know what to do. as i left the site, i wondered if i felt relieved that i talked to you, relieved that i let out all those tears i've held in...but i dont. i just feel even more sad that the world sucks and i had to realize that most through you.
you know, as i was standing there, a couple pulled up and asked me about you and they said you were beautiful. and you were...you are and always will be. you had an amazing smile and i could tell that after high school, you never lost your charming personality or your sense of fun or your youth....i'm just so sorry. i want to say that i hope you're in a better place and that you've found peace...but i feel that if i were to say that, even i would wonder how could one find a better place or peace after being taken from your home and family without a warning. but i hope that you, and everyone else affected, eventually do find peace. as someone said, you are now an angel, to watch over and protect the ones you love. i cant seem to forget you and thus, you will always remain in my thoughts/prayers. before i end this, i must say what is always going through my head: i am sorry. and so, as is being said all over and yet, cannot be expressed enough...karishma, you will be missed... | | |
| A . W . E . S . O . M . E .
that's the only word to explain everything! <thanks to Syndicate X for a wonderful Prom 2005!>
special bday shoutout to the SONYA and an incredible HUGE HUGE THANK YOU to the one person who helped a buttload this weekend! especially to YOU, i would like to thank you for everything you did! i dont know how to express my appreciation for everything: friday, saturday, and sunday but i know food is the smart way to start!! =) want some more "rabbit"? THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *HUG* | | |
| HELLO!! dude...who even remembers that i have a xanga! i dont even update! but because of my fellow FAT FULLERTONIAN [dont worrie, she's not really fat..she's really the opposite! so she wont be offended] told me that she would love an update...i decided, just for her, that i would and so, keeping on my promise...here it is!  [and if you dont like it, you can just blame her!] so here we go...not going into too much detail but FINALS ARE OVER!! YEA!! you know what that means?!?!? SUMMER!! But my summer is over today, i start school again tm! what a bust huh? but it's all good! i love school! HAHAHAHAHAHA [cant keep a straight face on that one for a long time!] you guys fell for that! can you believe it's already been a year since high school [for those who graduated 2004]? it's amazing how everything changes! it's sad and exciting at the same time. there are some changes i wish never happened but others that i've come to enjoy and appreciate! it's just good to know that friends will always be there for me! THANK YOU! it's crazy to think that people are going to dressed up for prom and graduating soon, just like we were just a year ago. And for those in 2-year institutions [yep, like us fat fullertonians], just think, in another year, we'll be ready to transfer! we have only another year to get all of our GEs done...and i know for some, they're already getting pretty far after one year! it blows my mind! but even though, I LOVE YOU ALL!!! *BIG CHOKING HUG* aside from that...life is going and it's going good! thanks for asking! on another note ...i dont understand why people have to brag and gloat about their victorious wins in front of their not-so-lucky opponents. True, they have a right to be happy, not just for being nominated for a position, but to have won that position as well is a great accomplishment. but to go around and ask people for votes, while putting others around you down, isn't cool sportmanship...it's just lame and freakin LOW! But it sucks because then the others nominated for that position feel they have to stoop to that level to have even the slightest chance of winning...and what bugs even more is when that person wins and they dont even deserve their position! i guess that's what makes politics suck! see...i believe that if you win, you have a certain responsibility to be happy but humble in the face of winning...because i'm sure your opponents already feel bad because they wanted to win but didnt...so it doesnt help that if you win, you put that into their face! And so, what have we learned...that some people are just assholes in the face of winning...making others feel like shit not only while running for the certain position but as well as in winning it! so to this person who i have in mind, as a result of being very MESSED UP and LOW while campaigning and winning, i dont appreciate how you handled it...because it made me believe even more, that you dont deserve the position of authority [even a role model] you're in! and so moving on...i would like to thank once again to my fellow fat fullertonian for reminding me that people do indeed read my xanga [as opposed to calling] because they care for me SO much! As a special thanks to my fellow FF and many like her, thank you for being there for me, listening to my shit, either you be miles away in another state, or a minute away down the street...THANK YOU!! [i'm feeling really sentimental today!] I LOVE YOU AND MISS YOU ALL!! i can't wait to hang out and PIG OUT [that's especially for the TROY group!  ] lets hit the beach! and the clubs! and all the restaurants from tofu house to 7 dishes, from in n out to my house!! and on that note, this has been htina signing off in the little town of fullerton, with special request from her fellow FF...thank you and good nite! | | |
| hey asshole!! i'm home! that's right and you know what i wanna say to you...FUCK YOU!! who gives you the FUCKIN RIGHT to bag on me!! What about the "family"? thats what i thought...THERE IS NO FAMILY BETWEEN US!! so please do us all a favor and GET OVER YOURSELF!! DONT ACT LIKE YOU KNOW ME! DONT ACT LIKE YOU FUCKIN CARE BC I'M TIRED OF YOUR SHIT!! i try to let it all go the first time...i let it slide when you got on my case about my curfew and me doing hw and me leaving early but you know what...I'M FUCKIN SICK AND TIRED OF IT! SO KISS MY ASS! i dont want to end up like you...coming in complaining about going to sleep late bc of doing shit! THEN WHY DONT YOU FUCKIN GET YOUR PRIORITIES STRAIGHT AND STOP PICKING ON THOSE THAT ALREADY HAVE IT STRAIGHT! damn...what's your FUCKIN problem? just GET OFF MY BACK!!! you're not my dad and i dont need you asking some DUMB ASS questions about things that you dont know about bc you could care less...YOU THINK YOU'RE THE SHIT AND IT'S SICKENING SO GET OFF YOUR FUCKIN PEDESTAL BC NO ONE HAS YOU ON IT!!
* * * * *
and with that off my chest....i move on to more happier stories...since i had to come on and rant about shit that bugs..i decided to update...spring break is coming up! in like 1 week but i'm excited bc most everyone is coming home and you know what that means...PARTY TIME!! i love my friends! i miss them!! well...some of them!! hahahahha JK!! i cant wait to party...even if i do have school...YEA!! it's so exciting! And next...some cute story-things that i took from julia and justine....enjoy and keep smiling!
I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have
never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.
FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.
Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."
I said "WHAT??!! What was that?!"
So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...
"You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man." She responded to my puzzled look
by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"
Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.
The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big
unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We went onto the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all
dear, let's go to the cashier."
I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."
Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled "WHAT?"
I then said "honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy
your shopping needs as a woman." And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and
not for the things I buy you?"
Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either.
GIRL FACTS
When a GIRL is quiet,
Millions of things are running in her mind.
When a GIRL is not arguing,
She is thinking deeply.
When a GIRL looks at u with eyes full of questions,
She is wondering how long you will be around.
When a GIRL answers "i'm fine" after a few seconds,
She is not at all fine.
When a GIRL stares at you,
She is wondering why you are lying.
When a GIRL lays on your chest,
She is wishing for you to be hers forever.
When a GIRL calls you everyday,
She is seeking for your attention.
When a GIRL says go away,
She wants you to hold her close.
When a GIRL doesn't kiss you back,
She just wants to talk.
When a GIRL wants to see you everyday,
She wants to be pampered.
When a GIRL sms's u everyday,
She wants you to reply at least once.
When a GIRL says I love you,
She means it.
When a GIRL says that she can't live without you,
She has made up her mind that you are her future.
When a GIRL says "i miss you",
No one in this world can miss you more than that | | |
| HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!! [even though its a little late! ]
i hope you guys all enjoyed it....
"WHAT IS LOVE?" (answered by little chillens)
When my grandma got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandpa does it for her now all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love.
When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouths.
Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving Cologne and they go out and smell each other.
Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs.
Love is what makes you smile when you're tired.
Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK.
Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more. My mommy and my daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss.
Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen.
If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate.
Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday.
Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well.
Love is when mommy gives daddy the best piece of chicken.
Love is when mommy sees daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford.
Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day.
When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you.
Love is when mommy sees daddy on the toilet and doesn't think it's gross.
You really shouldn't say I LOVE YOU unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget. | | |
|
|
